I completely understand the surprised faces when I share that I was a surrogate. I realize it’s not as common in our everyday lives as the celebrity world makes it seem. But, some of the responses I’ve heard over the last two years have been bizarre, hilarious, rude, vapid … you name it.
While the huge majority of the people I talk with are loving and curious, there are those who just don’t get it. Or at least they don’t think about the whole situation before they react to the news. Their first reaction is to make a cringed face and shake their heads. And the number one vocal response from them is, “Oooo, I could never give up the baby.”
Yeaaah … then you probably don’t understand how surrogacy works. It’s NOT your baby to keep.
I usually just respond with a smile and some variation of, “It was actually amazing to give them their baby.”
This reminds them I’m not completely unemotional and “giving up the baby” is kinda the whole reason I did this.
I actually love to talk about the surrogacy journey, so I don’t mind the questions or when someone wants to know more because they’re not sure about the process. It was a beautiful thing to be a part of, and every time I talk about it I feel my heart beaming.
But, no, never, not ONE time in the years of planning, meeting potential parents, undergoing treatments, and finally the pregnancy, did I ever want the baby for myself. That never crossed my mind because of the sole purpose of surrogacy. I was growing someone else’s child (the eggs were from the biological mom–not from me–and the sperm was the biological dad’s) and bringing THEIR child into this world FOR THEM.
I like to explain it this way: Imagine your sister or best friend could not carry a baby herself. If you decided to be her surrogate, I guarantee you would never feel like the baby wasn’t hers. You would be so excited to be on this journey alongside her, experiencing it together, and when you finally gave her that incredible miracle … whew. It would be the most amazing feeling you’ve ever had. Yes, you might develop a sweet connection with the baby, as I did with my “belly baby,” but I never bonded with him the way I did with my own while they were in the womb. It is a VERY different relationship. A beautiful, memorable relationship, but just not the same as the one you have with the little ones you are raising.
I LOOOVE babies and I would have more if I was a little bit younger and had a little more room in my house. Having the four children I do is a huge blessing, and I feel like God gave them to me to fill my heart and my house–which they do. 🙂
Being a surrogate gave me the chance to fill someone ELSE’S heart and house with baby love, not add to my own blessing.